Be Gay and Do [Little] Crimes: How Altering our Definition of Worship Music Creates Space for Everyone
Macie Runions
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Artist's Statement
For my project, I conducted an interview with a friend of mine named Ella Sharp. Ella is a queer, Christian, Seattle-based musician who has been writing music since she was a kid.
My original research question was about the social impact of queer and trans-affirming worship spaces, but existing research on the subject is virtually non-existent. Because of this, I had to alter my inquiry to focus instead on the (mainly historical) impact of queer musicians on the gospel music space. The information I found was intriguing, but it left me with several questions: How have queer and trans artists influenced worship genres outside of southern gospel? Who decides how "worship music" is defined? And what would happen if we broadened that definition to create something that affirmed the sacredness of all people?
Interviewing Ella Sharp seemed like a natural choice; she was the person who introduced me to the idea that "worship" music can exist outside of weathered hymnals and Christian contemporary pop. I wondered how, as a queer woman, Ella saw this as an opportunity to make space for queer and trans-affirming praise.
Ella's 2021 single, "My Delight," is a stunning example of how naturally queerness and spirituality can be intertwined and integrated into worship (though it turns out that this song is not among her favorites). The lyrics, "All that you are is by design / Beloved, you were made to rise," were written as a reminder to all of God's children, but "especially their queer children," that queerness and transness is anything but an abomination. Ella's song and the interview below affirm the inherent worthiness, the intentional originality, and the indelible "belovedness" of all of God's creation.
I also put together a short video portraying a quote of hers from the end of the interview:
https://youtube.com/shorts/crUx0M2Pofc?feature=share
Here's the full thing!
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Be Gay and Do [Little] Crimes: How Altering our Definition of Worship Music Creates Space for Everyone
A Conversation with Christian Musician Ella Sharp
Macie Runions:
We'll start with: Who are you, how do you identify, and what is your relationship with worship music?
Ella Sharp:
Identify in, like, the queer way, or all of the ways?
MR:
Anything you'd like.
ES:
My name is Ella Sharp. I use the blanket term "queer," because it's easier than having to, you know explain… But I identify as a cisgender woman. Been in love with women, been in love with men, been in love with non-binary people. So, somewhere in the pan, bi area.
And my relationship with worship music? Well, it was on a lot growing up.
I think that a lot of times, in religious households, there's a separation between secular music and worship. But my parents were very much like, "You're gonna listen to these CCM [Christian contemporary music] artists, but you're also going to listen to Public Enemy and Miles Davis."
And, you know, Bach, and Kate Bush, and all that.
I think that I have always been interested in, always loved, writing music. Worship music kind-of came naturally to write because that's just what I was thinking about all the time- I was thinking about God all the time. But I got really bored with worship music because a lot of it, the songwriting is really boring and really lazy.
I think that my relationship with worship music is that it's always been around and I've always appreciated it for what it was. But also, it's a little boring to me. A lot of times it's very exclusionary. And I don't like that a lot of the time, these artists, like in so many other church spaces, say one thing, or are writing one thing, and then are acting in, like, despicable ways.
I guess the long and short of it is this: I've been on worship teams my whole life, and have enjoyed that, but have always felt a little weird about it.
MR:
You have had experience with the organization Beloved Arise. Could you give an overview of how you would define that project, and what your involvement was?
ES:
I was not super involved, or I guess I was at the very beginning. Beloved Arise was born out of the church that we escaped from [University Presbyterian Church]. And when they had their kickoff, I knew the people who were organizing it, and they were like, "Do you wanna write a song? In support of queer youth of faith?" And I'm like, "Ok." And so I did, and you know what's so funny? That song I wrote ["My Delight"]- it's a worship song, but I find it so boring. Yeah. I hate that song! Not that it's a bad song, you know, I think it's well-written, but it falls into that category of boring worship music.
Anyway, they had me write and perform a theme song, and then they worked with the band "Towers" to create a compilation album of allies and queer people of faith backgrounds. And they asked me to put that song on it. So, I flew out to Arizona and recorded it, and now it's on that album. And… yeah.
They also had a youth group attached to it that supported queer youth of faith, but it didn't end up being a good fit for me to be a leader. Because of time constraints, and it being online and stuff, you know.
MR:
Do you still write worship music? What are you doing now?
ES:
Yeah! Well, okay, I guess I should say a little bit more about that song, too. I guess I wrote it as a love letter from God to all of their children, but especially to their queer children. I always say that queerness is representative of God's creativity, not something in spite of it. Frog theology.
["My Delight"] is a love letter to God's children. To say that they were made queer on purpose, that it's not a mistake, and it's a beautiful representation of who God is.
Do I still write worship music? Um, I write music, but I wouldn't call a lot if it worship music in the traditional sense. But I think a lot about God; I write a lot about God. So just because that's what I think about a lot, it happens to show up in my writing. If I'm asked to write one for church, yeah, I'm gonna write a worship song, but it's not like, what I gravitate towards writing. But God's popping up in songs everywhere, all over the place.
MR:
Are there any artists whom you find inspiring, either in the realm of worship music, or someplace in the intersection of queerness and spirituality?
ES:
I mean, earlier, before you turned that on, we were talking about [Sufjan Stevens]. Sufjan is great. I love the way that he wraps up that element of God in a very relational way.
Whenever Sufjan puts out an album, I like to play the game where I'm like, "Is it God, or is it gay, or is it a little bit of both?" It's a little bit of both, usually.
I really like Joy Oladokun, have you heard of her? She lives in Atlanta; she's a lesbian, Christian songwriter and she writes a lot about battling church/religious trauma while still wanting to have a relationship with God.
Actually, at youth group last week, Phil [pastor at Union Church Seattle] and I gave a talk about Psalmists- people who write sacred songs in modern day times. They are "secular" artists, but they also have a deep faith life and write songs that are very spiritual in nature. Phil talked about Tupac, and I talked about Sinead O'Connor. I'm obsessed with Sinead O'Connor- she really is a great example of what it's like to experience God as a queer person. And every time she writes about God, she uses she/her pronouns, and I think that's really beautiful. I'll send some more [artists] your way, because there are thousands of them on my mind. But those are the first three that come to mind: Sufjan Stevens, Sinead O'Connor, and Joy Oladokun.
MR:
Where do you see the need for queer and trans-affirming worship spaces, and what might that look like?
ES:
I see the need for [queer and trans-affirming worship spaces] everywhere, and that need is born out of the basic humanity of queer people. I think that if we don't have spaces that are queer affirming, we are denying a huge part of humanity and God's creation. We're denying the church's wellbeing, too, because queer people have so much to offer.
We have so much wisdom and insight, especially into the heterogenous nature of God. We also need them just to reaffirm that queer people are sacred, just like how all the straight people are sacred.
Reconciliation needs to happen, harm needs to be reduced, and it's on churches to initiate that a lot of times. Not always, because things like Beloved Arise are really cool. Like, here are queer people who love Jesus, or love whatever faith they practice, and there's a sacredness in that. To have this common experience of a marginalized identity, and, like, loving God through that. But also, mainstream churches, it's their responsibility. If they want to be affirming, they have to- like, they have to do that work. And stretch.
I think that [queer and trans-affirming worship spaces] are essential, and I think there's a place for churches to build that bridge, but there's also space for queer people to find their own communities within themselves. And obviously, it's not necessary to be at a church or find a church home to be a "good Christian." And if that's not safe for queer people, if they don't feel safe there, then they shouldn't go.
It's a lot of bullshit that a lot of churches are still so behind on that.
MR:
What was your experience, growing up in church, with queer and trans representation?
ES:
I think that my experience was really interesting, because we went to that
non-affirming megachurch, but my parents were like, super hippie, progressive
stoners that were fish out of water there. They just wanted me to have some
kind of community upbringing, but they didn't actually know [UPC] was a church.
So, they were just like, what the hell is this? Like, they thought it was a
unitarian church. And when they first went, my mom grabbed my dad's hand and
went, "Dan! Dan, he's holding a bible! What is this place?" But they did fall
in love with Jesus, and it was interesting because that was the place where
they found Jesus.
So, I was making friends, but [my parents] were like, "I understand that this is kind-of a conservative church. So, if there's something you hear in bible study that feels weird, come home and we can talk about it." And queer-affirming theology was one of those things.
They were very "eat the rich," witchy, and queer about their faith, and so I think that I grew up with a solid understanding that it was an institutional church experience that I was in, but that my parents were schooling me in a different way, at the same time.
And I think that I was kind of a menace in church, in Sunday school, because I would stand up and correct people when they said some bullshit stuff. Like, there was an intern once who got up and was telling this story about how you shouldn't believe your schoolteachers when they say that evolution is real. And I stood up and I was like, "Even my Catholic school teaches evolution." It was that kind of stuff…
Short story long, I knew I was queer from a young age, and I feel very blessed and grateful that I never felt like those two things were at odds. And I know that's not the case for everybody. I'm very grateful that it was the case for me, that I can be queer and I can also be Christian and that's a synergy that works. There's nothing wrong with that, with either of those two things.
MR:
If we're envisioning a future where people don't see queerness and faith as two things that are at odds with each other, a future where worship music isn't so confined to the traditional songs we've grown up with… what does that look like?
ES:
Initially, I would hope that we would get to a place where queer people who were looking for a church don't have to go onto churchclarity.com to find out their stance. They could just go in and know that it was safe. To remove any apprehension or fear and know that God is for everybody.
That's- that's the utopia. That there are no boundaries. And this goes for every marginalized person, every type of marginalized group.
I love that at [Union Church Seattle], at least, we've started using more expansive pronouns in songs for God. God is not just "He;" God is "They," God is "Mother," God is "She." God describes themself as so many things.
I love that we've adjusted that language. There's a time and place for hymns -I like hymns, I like them a lot- but the theology in some of those hymns is a little janky. So, what I love about many hymns being public domain is that you can rewrite them.
I think that there is a time and a place for that poppy, CCM stuff that I hate because of its congregational aspect. And I think that that it is good, if you're in your regular Sunday service, to have those.
But I do think that more people who want to should be writing music and should be writing about their experience with God through music. Art is subjective, too, because not everyone is going to resonate with the same things.
I just hope that there's a future where church music is accessible to everybody, where people can feel like their experiences are represented in songs, even through minor changes. That it could be understood that you are welcome when you walk into a church. And not just welcomed but affirmed.
MR:
Do you have any examples of hymns that have been altered?
ES:
I mean, I like to rewrite hymns all the time, just for fun. I've had this thought that someday I'd release hymns that have been rewritten with affirming theology… or just, like better theology. Theology that I feel aligned with! Because there is comfort in hymns. Like, we know these songs, and they're accessible songs, but the language has been updated to be inclusive and representative of everybody.
That's so interesting that you ask about that, because that's been in my mind for a while. I love rewriting hymns, and maybe I should just fucking do it, you know!
MR:
Is there anything else you'd like to say on the topic?
ES:
Um… sorry for how all-over-the-place this has been!
What I'd like to add is… be gay, do crimes. Little ones. Civic disobedience. Be gay and know that there's nothing wrong with that- that you are delighted in it.
My Delight
by Ella Sharp
Splintered soul, weary bones
I feel the weight in your heart
And Mine breaks for you
Don't you know I'm the only one
Who can tell you who you are?
I want you close, sweet love of
Mine
You are My song, you're My delight
All that you are is by design
Beloved, you were made to rise, rise
Drifting on tempest water
You're not falling away, you're falling into me
Don't you know I'm the only one
Who can tell you who you are?
I want you close, sweet love of
Mine
You are My song, you're My delight
All that you are is by design
Beloved, you were made to rise
Arise, come alive, arise
In Me, you're free to sing at the
top of your lungs
Dance in the morning sun
Chase out the dark
And love just as you are
Arise, arise
Beloved, arise